Depression, Writing & Satisfying the Need

My tag-line for this blog is, “This is my writing journey.”

Because maybe someday  someone (perhaps only myself) might find this interesting, I’m going to not only throw out great tips and the lessons I learn, I’m also going to comment on me, myself, and sometimes, I.

Yesterday I was depressed.  I don’t mean just feeling blue, I’m talking about staring blankly at the screen, no energy, questioning my existence, depressed.  It sucked.  What irritated me most about it was that I had no idea why I should feel that way.  I used to have many of those days.  Since giving my life some serious evaluation, seeking a little professional help and getting off my butt and actually working to make my writing dream come true, I’ve felt much better.  So why all of a sudden?  I came up with two answers. One was no big surprise.  The other gave me some serious food for thought.

The easy answer was the weather.  April surprised us all with its warmth and sunshine.  While May got off to a good start, yesterday was a horrible day.  Though it wasn’t as cold as winter, it was that kind of damp chill that creeps under your skin.  Add the grey sky and you have a very dreary day.

The interesting answer had to do with my writing and my online persona.

I haven’t touched The Veil in over a week.  The word count sits stagnant at the right side of my website, begging to be increased.  I put it there to guilt me into action.  The guilt is there, not so much the action.  I also hadn’t blogged in four days.  While I’ve been present on Twitter, my posts have provided little in the way of substance.  In short, I felt like a poser, a fake.

I’ve had numerous story ideas in the past.  The more I thought about them, the more themes and ideas I threw at them.  They buckled under the weight until they finally cracked beyond repair.  By comparison, the more thought I give to The Veil, the more it asks for.  The deeper I delve, the more layers it reveals.  It’s liberating and scary as hell.  I’ve allowed myself to be frightened to a standstill.  I need to get over it.

I’ve made no attempt to hide the fact I am a chaotic writer.  I don’t plot ahead, I don’t plan for specific times of day to write, I don’t have any kind of regular regiment.  This is turning into a considerable weakness.

I work shifts.  Between my job, my kids, trying to be a good husband, and just finding time to breathe, it’s impossible to pick a time of day in which to write.  There’s no time that will work everyday.  So I’m thinking what I need to do is look at my schedule for the week and decide on a day to day basis when I’m going to write.  Whether it be a blog entry or The Veil, I need to get my fingers moving on the keyboard.  I feel more alive when I see words forming on the screen in front of me.  There’s an energy in creating something that never existed before.  Even if my first draft is crap.  Even if I end up rewriting eighty-percent of it, there is still energy and power in its mere existence.  Within the dirt is a gem worth harvesting.

Now the question is, will I walk the walk, or is this just a whole lotta talk?

Current state of my writing

I’ve been away from writing for a couple of days.  This isn’t to say writing has been far from my mind, quite the contrary.  My iPhone currently has two scenes in it that I wrote in the middle of nowhere after having been hit by inspiration on the drive to said nowhere.

I find my story comes to me in drips and drabs.  Sometimes a whole scene washes in and obliterates everything in its path.  At other times, a few key sentences, a stray thought, are all that come through.

I keep trying to sit down and plot everything out.  Every time I do that, I get seemingly more stuck than just sitting at the keyboard and letting words flow.  I’m finding out I am the kind of writer that needs to get there before I can describe it.  I don’t know all the scenes in my story because I haven’t made it there yet.  I’m hoping this changes.  I can’t imagine trying to build a career based on whim and mercy of the creative muse.

On the up side, I figured out how it ends.  I know who the villain is.  I know why he’s doing the things he’s doing.  His undoing was one of the scenes I wrote in my iPhone.

Which brings up another stray thought I’m going to throw out; never be too focused on your current work that you ignore other ideas.

My wife is a photographer and visual artist.  She and I have talked about collaborating on a piece of work.  This really excites me.  I came up with two things for this work that I kept mulling in my head.  Guess what?  I used them for my novel.  See, they didn’t work on their own, but put the mention of them on the lips of a madman and suddenly things are cooking!

So my collaboration is on the back burner, and I need to sit and get to work.

I guess I should stop referring to my work in progress as that.  Right now, the working title is The Veil.  I’ll call it that from now on since it just makes things easier.

Sorry, this blog post is random.  Not so much in terms of advice, but more a journal entry.  I’ll do these from time to time.  Now I think I’ll go work on The Veil and see if I can crack 15,000 words.

OK, decision made

So in regards to my previous posts on plot, I am now convinced that crashing ahead is the wrong way to go.  I said I’d tell you and here I am.

Here’s the thing.  I’ve been devoting some time and concentration to the links on plot that I posted the other day.  They have been incredibly inspiring and insightful.  The problem is, I’m now looking at the 14,000+ words I’ve already written, not to mention the next 2,000+ those words set up, and I’m thinking it’s now all wrong.  That’s a pretty hard pill to swallow.  So, do I scrap it all and start from scratch?  Do I carry on as if I had written what I had intended, get to the end and then go back during the rewrites.  Or do I bang my head a little more and see if I can make what exists work at least even a little?

I wouldn’t be in exactly this mess if I had done all this work before committing words to page.  I mean, at my current position, I am only vaguely aware of my antagonist.  How am I supposed to have a cohesive plot and conflict without any form of antagonist?  I need to rethink a lot of what I’ve done and where I was going with it.

So I have some challenges ahead.  I’m going to hammer out a plot outline basing it on the idea that I will leave what I already have.  I know there will be major revisions eventually, but at least it won’t be as demoralizing as deleting everything.  Wish me luck.  Progress updates as I go.

Two fabulous posts about plot

In my previous post on plot, I was very open about my sloppy approach to writing.  As a matter of coincidence, Twitter delivered two fabulous article links that deal with plot development.

I loved both of these articles.  I’ve been doing my best not to turn my site into nothing but recommended link after recommended link, but I just have to put these out there, especially considering my own lack of expertise in this area.

First up is a link to the first of three articles that author Laini Taylor wrote dealing with plot.  In this article Part 1: What is Plot? she tackles very quickly the nature of plot and also discusses the difference between narration and dramatisation and how each can be useful.  Do yourself a favour and continue on to Part 2: Character, Motivation, and Conflict & Part 3: Structure.  Though I’m sure you’ll be hooked just as I was.

Secondly, I’m sending you over to Plotting Made Easy – The Complications Worksheet. This article is written by Martina Boone.  Two things I really liked about this article 1)The structure reminds me a bit about the Hero’s Journey, which I talked about just the other day 2)It really is an uncomplicated checklist of items to help guide and inspire.

The other thing I love about these articles is that the authors sound like they started where I am, lacking the clearest of plans.  They have gone through trial and error and come out with these ideas.  I’m giving them a very close look and thought I would pass along.  Hope it helps me and you 🙂

Plot, or lack thereof, and the surprises that come with it

I’m a man on a mission.  I’m writing a book.  When looking at the history of our race, the thing it teaches about missions is you should have a plan.  Well, I don’t, sorta.

As I said before, I’m a concept guy.  I start developing a work based on a single concept.  One idea I had was a world where the gods rule with an iron fist, but they aren’t really gods, they’re just people using technology to manipulate and keep the rest of the race stuck in the dark ages.  Now, that’s not a horrible concept.  The problem is, what’s the story?  Will one of the gods become dissatisfied with the rest?  Will he turn on them?  Will someone from the ruled populace rise up?  Depending on what I decide, the story is going to be substantially different, even though the initial concept is the same.

My work flow is like this; Concept – Story (usually just bare bones stuff like whose point of view) – initial scenes (which I take notes on) – a few more scattered scenes (also duly noted) – write the first scenes – spend a few days mulling over where to go next – write some more – repeat.

What I’m finding is that this is horribly inefficient.  On the other hand, it is surprising and at times thrilling.

For instance, my initial 3 chapters on my current work in progress flowed very easily.  My ideas for them were strong and clear.  They led to my main character being in the hospital.  What I didn’t have figured out was what happens in the hospital to further the plot and given the nature of his injuries, how do I get him out of the hospital because the majority of my story takes place outside of there?  I kicked this around for a few days.  I put pressure on myself by assigning a deadline for a day where I had to continue writing.  What I came up with worked well for me.  I was surprised though, because it meant introducing two characters I had intended to bring on the stage much later in the story, heck maybe not even until book two!  Now I run up against the same wall, because where do I go from there?  Repeat the previous process of humming and hawing for a few days.  What I decide, and ends up working pretty well, is changing the last paragraph of the chapter I’ve just written to introduce a surprise twist that I hadn’t intended to reveal for a few more chapters.  But what it did was it provided a more satisfying and “hook” ending to the chapter and it allowed me to fill the reader in more of what’s going on.  Seeing as how I’m a quarter of the way through, it’s probably time I let the reader in, at least a little.

Is this the best way to write a novel?  I’m not sure.  I know this lacks a lot of depth because I’m crashing through it without a solid foundation.  Because of what I’m learning about the story and the characters as I progress, I already know the intense level of rewriting that is going to have to occur.  At the same time, there’s something fun about coming up against a wall, having a single idea for a solution, and suddenly a whole chapter flows out and leaves you thinking, “damn, I didn’t see that coming.”

Ironically, the reveal that I’ve introduced early actually makes a later scene I have planned work much better and flow more organically.  I had my main character overhearing a conversation.  It’s an important bit of reveal that he needs to know.  My problem was, how do I get him there?  Well, I’ve created the perfect solution unintentionally by doing my earlier than planned reveal.  Funny how that worked out.

So in the end, this is my sloppy way of working through a novel.  I know far more experienced writers suggest a full plot outline, and to be honest, I would feel more secure if I had one.  With a plan, I might be able to write on a more frequent and consistent basis as I wouldn’t need all the head scratching time between chapters.

I think I’m going to try and plot out the rest of the book from this point.  I’ll let you know as I go along which seems to work best for me.

The Hero’s Journey or I Need A Stronger Main Character!

Luke Skywalker did it in Star Wars.  Simba did it in the Lion King.  Heck, even Frodo and Harry Potter were in on it.  What is it?  The Hero’s journey.

Joseph Campbell first published his book, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, in 1949.  Campbell looked at a vast number of classic myths and fairy tales, and from those he found there was one grand schematic that applied to virtually all of them.  This schematic has since been referred to as The Hero’s Journey.  Campbell summarised the journey as;

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.

In describing the “monomyth” Campbell lays out several stages.  Not many myths or stories contain all of the steps, but may skip some or focus exclusively on one.  Giving thought to multiple book stories, book one might focus on the first third, book two on the second, and book three on the final third.  The steps Campbell lays out are;

  • The hero starts in the ordinary world.
  • An event occurs that draws the hero into an unusual world of strange powers and events (a call to adventure).
  • Accepting the call to enter this world, the hero must face challenges (a road of trials).  The hero may face these trials alone or with help s/he has earned along the way.
  • If the hero survives, the hero might receive a great gift (the goal or “boon”), which often results in the discovery of important self-knowledge.
  • The hero must then decide whether to return with the reward (the return to the ordinary world).  If the hero decides to return to the ordinary world, s/he will most likely encounter more trials on the way back.
  • If the hero succeeds in returning, the boon or gift may be used to improve the world (the application of the boon).

For more in depth, you can visit this page for the Hero’s Journey Summary of Steps.

When we talk about a shared human experience, the Hero’s Journey is certainly present in all people.  Looking at the modern films that have found worldwide success, almost all of them follow this general schematic.  It is perhaps because we see this journey as a metaphor for our own lives.  After all, I think we all have moments in our lives where the world feels strange and alien.  How we cope with the trials life gives us lead to insight.  Our myths, books, movies, even video games, are the everyday struggle of people blown to fantastical proportions.

However, there is something pretty key about the Hero’s Journey.  Something so vital and instrumental that without it, your tale is certain to fail.  That is, naturally, the hero.  Without a hero there is no story.

This past weekend, I started reading two books on writing.  One was Elizabeth George’s Write Away: One Novelist’s Approach to Fiction and the Writing Life and the other was Noah Lukeman’s The Plot Thickens: 8 Ways to Bring Fiction to Life.  Both of these books emphasised the importance of creating in depth characters and allowing the plot to organically grow from them.  I’ve never been a fan of sitting down and filling out forms.  I suppose that’s why I’ve shied away from character sketches in the past.  Also, I’ve always been more of a concept person than a character writer.  Actually, I can’t think of a single time that I started a piece because of a character in my head.  This presents a problem when your story is following the Hero’s Journey.

So, something Elizabeth George suggested, which I think sounds fun and still allows me to flesh out my main character, is to free form write about the character.  Instead of a rigid set of questions regarding the character, you allow yourself to freely write about who they are, what their motivations are, etc.  Noah Lukeman’s suggestion is to think as different people.  In one sense of describing your character, imagine you have witnessed them do something and you need to describe every physical detail about them to the police.  Next, imagine you are their new family physician and you need to know everything about their medical background.  Now you’re their psychiatrist and so forth.  Both ideas work better for me than a strict form where you detail name, height, etc, etc.  I’m a creative person and these approaches speak to me more than a mathematical approach.

In order for the Hero’s Journey to be effective, you have to know your hero.  You have to know where your hero starts, what they want to accomplish, how they will respond to the adversities that come, and what personal insight they will come away with.  By establishing all elements of your character early on in the writing process, you stay true to that character throughout the story.  This means, your audience never questions why the character did this or that, they know because the ground rules exist and have been followed.  It also means that the character might guide decisions.  Having a character who is multi-dimensional, no maybe even real, means that when you get stuck in how to get out of something, you have someone to ask.  You just turn to your character and say “How are you going to deal with this?”  By knowing them, you might even be surprised by the answer.

Now, both George and Lukeman suggest doing this for all your characters.  I don’t know if I have the patience.  I understand that by doing this for more characters the possibility for deepening the relationship amongst the cast of the story grows.  It also means more ideas for subplots present themselves.  But the first time through, I think my main goal is to know my protagonist the best.  The story is largely told from his point of view (read that as almost entirely) and it is his journey.  I’m thinking for myself, I’m going to do this for my main character and see how the rest of my first draft goes.  Then, to take a break before editing, I’ll do more of these for some of my other characters and see how that aids in my second go through.  I might end up learning it makes more sense to do them all from the start.  I’ll let you know.

First, a little note saying “Thanks!”

I just wanted to take a moment here to publicly acknowledge a whole community that I consider myself fortunate for discovering.

Under different names and websites, I have been active on the net for twelve years or more.  In that time, I felt largely ignored and monumentally alone.  Seeing as how website creation, blogging and writing poetry & fiction have been my hobbies over the years, it can make for a solitary existence.  It’s so easy to give up on a project or not bother to blog for months on end when you feel that all you’re doing, all you’ll ever be doing, is talking to yourself.

A month ago, I decided to join Twitter as Justus R Stone (my chosen pen name).  I started doing some research and through useful hash tags such as #amwriting started connecting with other writers.  Some of these people are already published, many more are hard at work getting there.  Universally, they all pass along outstanding advice and support.

This blog is new.  This will be the 14th post.  And yet I have had more people make comments on my articles here than I did on any other blog or website I have owned in the past 12 years.  It is so much easier to sit down and write my work in progress, or do a blog entry, when it feels like there are people pulling for me.

Now, I do have a loving wife and kids who are always in my corner, but none of them are writers.  It is an entirely different experience to receive support and encouragement from those that share your passion and understand the trials that passion brings.

So I just wanted to say thank you to all those who have come to visit, to those who are following the feed and to those who join me on Twitter.  You have all made this new step into realising my dream much easier and made obtaining that end goal seem all the more attainable.